It takes a village... (ahem, how much does a wedding cost?)

At first, Ralph and I planned and expected to pay for our own wedding. We figured $10,000 should have been enough to cover it. We are lucky we had lots of help, because our wedding ended up costing more than double that. Keep in mind that we busted our butts to keep costs as low as possible, while not putting out our friends and family. So now, I unveil our wedding budget - but know that it took a whole village to throw this event in terms of emotional, financial, and logistical support.

Wedding Day Costs
Ceremony Site Fees: $350
Reception Site Fees: Included in food costs: $0
Food/Drink (includes tax and service fees): $7,802
Bridal Gown: $2600 for the gown, $50 pressing: $2,650
Bridal Accessories:
*Veil $40
Bracelet/Earrings $40
Shoes $20
*Bra/Garter $40
Groom’s Attire: FREE! Deal w/ 2 other rentals. $0
Stationery/Postage (DIY): $162
Photo/Videography: Won Contest! Only paid for travel related costs of the couple $1,600
Ceremony Music: $350
Reception Music: $800
Flowers (DIY): $400
Cake: (upgraded package) $65
*Favors (DIY): $50
Officiant: $400
DOC: FREE! Won contest! $0
Makeup: (@ counter included trial =$90/4 items, failed trial at counter = $50/3 items) $140
Hair $100
Wedding Party Gifts $210
Out of Town Guest Bags $100
Hotel Rooms: $700
Décor:
*Tablecloths (bought used) $120
Chargers (rented from a friend) $45
*Escort Frames $45
*Glassware/Misc Décor (most of the vases were gifted to me) $120
Flip Flops $50
Wedding Transportation $300
*Sold Leftover Items: -$260

WEDDING DAY TOTAL (excluding non-food related gratiuties): $16,439
TOTAL COST PER PERSON: $193

Other costs
Wedding Band: (Mine was bought w/ my E-ring) $70
Rehearsal Dinner: $900
Day after Brunch $400
Honeymoon: also used Frequent Flyer miles $3,600

OTHER COST TOTAL: $4,970

GRAND TOTAL: $21,149

Wow! That figure kills me. I mean that is 10% downpayment on a trailer home where I live :-)

Anyway, looking back, where would I have trimmed? Nearly nothing. I would not have liked to have an Ipod wedding (why do that to a friend?). Our officiant was wonderful, and worth every penny. I am glad I didn't put out my parents and make them host any event at their home. I am glad we hired a limo - EVERYONE was on time!!! My dress, albeit a huge splurge, was (1) cheaper than the first dress I fell in love with, (2) perfectly made to my body, and (3) AMAZING! I will probably sell it and hopefully recoup half its cost. I mean, I acted as our florist - can you be anymore of a cheapskate? As far as the guestlist, well I am sad that close to $1000 was spent on dinners that people simply did not show up for - but what can you do? I think we are both content with who we were able to invite.

PLUS, we had a blast at our wedding and honeymoon (we hadn't been on a real vacation in many years)!!!!

Thanks to my all Moms and Sister (you are my faithful readers too) for making it happen - there is no way we could have pulled this off without all of your love and support. I love you and miss you - J!!!

My crowning glory

I never thought I would wear a veil. Never! Ralph and I even talked about it. He really hoped I wouldn't. Then I tried on this Pronovias dress.

And then they put it on me.

And I knew I had to wear a veil.

For the record, I love this dress, but it just didn't feel like the dress I would marry Ralph in. I know that sounds weird - but it works in my silly head. It would definitely be the dress I would wear if I was having a frilly, vintage-insipred, garden party wedding. And that sort of wedding wouldn't work for Ralph - therefore it wasn't meant to be the dress I would marry him in.

When I did find THAT dress, I put on this simple veil.

But in the end I decided to go for a longer veil. Why? Well, because of this...

Credit - the wonderful Zlatko Batisticho

Aren't they beautiful? You are a gorgeous bride J!

I like the drama from the back. I can't help it! So when I stumbled upon a bride selling her long simple veil for a fraction of the price (for reference that veil I am wearing in my dress cost a whopping $125), I jumped on it. In addition to saving lots of $, I couldn't be happier that I am re-using a perfectly good piece of tulle. We may not be throwing the most green wedding ever - I am trying to do my part when I can.

And so here it is, on the pretty bride I bought it from (wearing a dress I did try on)...

(credit)

I received it today in perfect condition. I can't wait to try it on with my dress (which is coming up very soon). I promise to post pics!!!

Keys to planning on a wedding from afar (part 1)

I don't have a wedding planner and I don't really have time during the day to talk to people on the East coast (damn the three hour time difference). Add in my routine trips to remote places out of the country, and you have very little time to get things done in regards to vendors and planning my wedding. Given this, I thought I would jot down a list of things that have made my life easier.

(A) Using as few vendors as possible. This leaves you with fewer people to coordinate with. Seems simple, right? Well, not necessarily... by doing this you might lose some of your originality/creativity and maybe even pay more.

For example, my venue includes, catering, cake, bar, tables, linens, chairs, and chinaware. They have a great menu, and their chef has been amendable to a certain dish that I will discuss later, but if I wanted something really out of the ordinary I might be SOL. As far as the rest is concerned, it is all standard white stuff. If I want something colorful and fancy, like what you see below, I would have to hire another company (or two) to accommodate me.

My reception venue with fancy linens, chairs, and charger plates supplied from an another vendor.

If your venue doesn't include catering, I found that some caterers will also will rent linens, tables, and chairs, but at usually higher costs. When they pad their rental fees with little things like $2 more per chair and $0.50 extra a napkin it really does add up.

THE most adored of wedding chairs - the gold chivari. Would you rather pay $10 or $6 to rent these suckers each?

So do be wary of all-inclusives. You need to know how much things cost. Which lead me to...

(B) Being knowledgeable about costs. I did some homework early on and tried to get as many quotes as possible. For me, it was all through email or from internet sites. This is great as it helped me make a reasonable and realistic budget. It gives you a very quick idea of the vendor you are working with. Are they totally trying to fleece you or are they too good to be true. It will also give you an idea of what figures to throw out when negotiating. It also doesn't hurt to get non-wedding costs (i.e. catering for a non wedding 4 course meal). I tried as often as I could to not mention the W word - but it wasn't always easy.

(C) Communicating with other brides. This has been a lifesaver for me. By talking to other brides, I was able to get valuable vendor recommendations. In the case of of my DJ, due to the overwhelmingly perfect reviews - I only had 2 interviews to schedule and only one I actually attended. It was so wonderfully efficient. For each service needed, I have had about 2 to 6 vendors that I have deemed appropriate to contact based on reviews and price range. I can generally get this list culled down to 2-4 by the time I actually need to interview them in person. And when you have only a week at a time to visit your hometown, this is a key timesaver.

As an extra bonus, by communicating with other brides, I also became privy to all sorts of deals and discounts. Two really great ones included 25% off my total venue and catering costs(!!!) and $150 off my bridal gown. I would have NEVER known about these hidden little gems had I not talked to others. Two great sites to meet other brides in your neck of the woods are the local forums/boards at theknot and weddingbee.

A recent wedding cake eating contest - nothing like healthy(?) competition in the bridal community

I have many more thoughts on this, and will leave it open as to how many parts might remain in this series. In the meantime, what (or who) has helped you the most in planning your wedding?