The actual idea of marriage hasn't escaped me as I plan this whole shebang. I have tried to keep my mind on the mark about what we are actually doing in t-minus 10 months and 3 days.
Lots of other brides I have met over the amazing world wide web, have couples that they refer to as their marriage role models. Often they are parents or grandparents of the couple.
Unfortunately, I am without one. Even further, I think more of my friends are divorced than are married. At some point of time, that bride was exactly in the same position as me. What makes me any different than her? I love my fiance, and even when we were apart I was crazy about him. I know he loves me for me, and that we complement each other so well. But don't all divorcees think this before it all went downhill? I mean surely most of the 50% of marriages don't anticipate that they will end - right? One of the things that has been weighing heavily on my mind, is the line in the traditional vow -"for better or for worse". That is a heavy sentiment. To me it is a given. But, life is a tricky thing, you never know what is around the corner. I know marriages that have ended from spousal financial and/or emotional changes for the worse. I wonder if my lovely fiance has contemplated the same. If I lose it, will he still be there for me? Will he stand by me or give up. This is not to say that I am mentally unstable or anything - just an example. I am pretty sure I know the answers to these questions, but I think we have some stuff to seriously discuss. I have to make sure we are one the same page.
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Marriage
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Marriage is a personal union between individuals. This union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is called a wedding and the status created is sometimes called wedlock. The act of marriage changes the personal status of the individuals in the eyes of the law and society.
Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships (usually intimate and sexual) are sanctioned with governmental, social, or religious recognition. It is often created by a contract or through civil processes. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution, in accordance with marriage laws of the land.
Maybe the reason, in many cultures, for the wedding planning is to allow time for reflection on the actual commitment part. With pre-arranged marriages, you have the time to come to terms with the decision that was made for you. For you and Ralph, you have a shared history of ten years together. And, you are together, simply, because this is where you both want to be. Living apart for part of those ten years, I’d say you have both done a really good job on the commitment part already.
So, now, with each wedding plan you make, you take one more step toward making the “legal” commitment. So, what do you do with this time before the wedding? How do you make best use of it - besides running around trying to get everything in place? How do you get some peace of mind?
Here's a suggestion. You have decided to write your own vows. Writing your vows together will allow you to discuss what you are promising each other. It will start the dialogue that needs to happen so, as you mention, you are both on the same page.
Guarantees?
As you said already, there are no guarantees in life. But, knowing the bride and groom a bit, I think you both take commitments quite seriously. (Just look at the past ten years and how you’ve survived as a couple in spite of curves along the way.)
Have you considered that perhaps your greatest strength is that you don’t have role models? With no one to emulate, you will have to use your combined experiences to do things differently: in love, in kindness, and with patience.
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